I sat at the window an extra hour because of the corpsing Conor which was all too much for me, for I had been waiting for over 2 months to got to the notorious Newquay! We rushed to the station, ran to the coach and 'hithered' (qoute number 1) our way to Newquay. Got there at 6am in the pouring rain, tried looking for a BnB, I said me and Stacey wanted to cuddled up in the warm....luckily Vlad was not there, but he didn't mind..thankfully. We got to camp, met Megan and Kat then began setting up our tent for 9 people, I think you needed 9 people to do it, we had 4, in the drizzling rain and a corpsing Conor. To our suprise we set it up, 9am, let the drinking commence. Me and Vlad bought a 5ltr jug of scrumpy and a large bottle of vodka, after many a drink, a game of Twister I passed out at around 1ish, to then be woken up a few hours later to a blaring Lion King theme tune. Excellent. I crawled out of my cave, hair ablaze and a glazed look over my eyes.. where's the scrumpy? I then went for a dip in the pool with Vlad, I'm sure theres an easier option of getting in than jumping 2 fences, we found that out the next day. I'm sure I missed a lot out here but I was fucked and can't remember much for I was either asleep or swimming. Although that night made many friends with Kat and Megans friends that they met the previous year, very nice people...add me on facebook was a common phrase. The night went on, didn't explore much but I blared metal from the car, had some chemicals and drank from the beer bong. Katherine was fucked, calling everyone sixteen year olds, playing the 'flute' actually a recorder, but she wern't having none of that, dropping it, continuing to play it through mime..the show must go on. Had a good little crowd round her, she convinced them she was hithering onto Britains Got Talent. I was just in and out of the tent, high on life, thought I'd have a smoke to put me to sleep, but I couldn't so I sat in Megans car for a fair few hours chatting about the chronicles of life or some bollocks, in the end I passed out. This first night was the first of many, and believe me..they got messier.
The second day arrived, Katherine woke up with no knickers, and asked Megan what happened last night, like did she have a boy in there? No, for the tent area aroound Katherine was wet as were her clothes and sleeping bag. Katherine love, you pissed yourself! After many a giggle... To the beach! Me, Conor, Stacey and Vlad set to Fistral to watch the surfing and enjoy the festivities. I was straight in that sea, getting chucked about with Vlad in the biggest waves I have ever been in, it was nuts. And that tide is crazy, one wave and the tide comes in by like 50 mitres. The amoungt of bags and towels that got ruined in front of us becuase it came in so fast, we moved back about 5 times.by the time we reached the fursthest point we had a cornish pasty (OMG) Then went and found Megan and Kat with a few other Newquay friends. In the evening we decided to take on Newquay clubs. I had my siesta after many a beverage then we hit the town. Sang on the bus, pissed up a wall then hithered to the centre where fire breathers and drunkness was falling all over the place. Went into The Beach, had a strawpedo, few pints, then pissed next to the door outside. We then went to a rock bar which was dead so we went for a walk to another club but didn't get in so we went back to camp, sounds like a boring night but I can't really remember it for I was wasted.
The next day I awoke from my booth and laid in the blistering heat, I thought to myself, as everyone died around me to make a flag using an empty Stongbow box. Me and Kat got cracking writing 'Catch It, Bin It, Kill it! Safe!' which was a quote from one of the Newquay 09 songs courtesy of her brother John, which is named..swine flu! We used poles that we didn't use for the tent doorway to raise the legendary flag. Me and Megan then preyed upon Kat with the permanent markers, which became a very popular thing over the week, writing very crude words on her innocent body 'Ugly feet, cunt, sucking on my titties (another Newquay song courtesy of Peaches 'Fuck The Pain Away')' and other things. We hithered to the pool, the pen did not come off and we began the drinking at midday, a common activity here. We hithered back to camp had a few naughty chemicals and was the centre of camp, we made new friends who had a van parked once space away from Megans car so in the gap we had a little party going on, fair few people gathered and we had beer bong going and took a well good picture from the floor looking up, a random had it though, forgot to get his name for facebook, oh well. Then the rest of our party arrived. Screams filled the air and a car pulled up and out jumped Bee, Vicky and Sarah with her roast dinner. Now its party time. Catch up beer bonging for the newbs and we were away. Swine flu was blasted out along with fuck the pain away and sad ass stripper: Kentrinaaaaa, this isn't a dreammm IT'S A FUCKING NIGHTMARE YOU BITCH!! Another quote sounded through the camp which was WOOO!! SPRING BREAK!!!! We went and sat with Justin and all his lot around a very intriguing light and then the party had moved to under the street lamp right by our camp. I started off an armwrestling frenzy. Boys were throwing a rubber ring around girls passing by and then running to hug them. Conor was walking around shouting Fuck Me to everyone, and Fuck My Life (qoute number 2) We all sat down and drank and just general banter was going on really with about 40 randoms, fun times.;). Sleep was hard of course so I tried to roll my first doobie at like 4am, was actually disastrous, falling apart and what not, terrible. So I just carried on the drink in the tent til daylight.
4th day soon hithered, actually dead this time, but still I managed to go to the pool after some juice and throw Bee in a few times and have quite a bit of bevvies hither to my liver. Collected hats from drinking Fosters and Bee blagged loads of freebies, where I put a flashing badge through my piercing and Conor shotted a ciggerrete butt, which he soon regurgitated. Check the pictures. Hilarious. Fuck Me sounded throughout the pool area. That evening was the most random of random nights. Sat around a wind up light, listening to tunage, duvet covers, and just stupid quotes. I busted out the 95% shit so that might be why. Sarah had been sick around the same area as Vicky, so, we believed they would mate and become inpregnated, thus the birth of sick babies was conjured. Megan was dubbed Shadow Girl for she was so dark she was difficult to see, Conor invented this hidden behind his trademark jumper over the mouth look. And whilst playing drinking games, where one you couldn't point, Stumpy was invented. We found men who were experts at film quotes and a man with one GCSE. and who was the breddar who got a tattoo in remeberance of his fater who was going to die...but didn't, at least the thought was there. It was very cold so we hithered to bed after a while of a lot of giggling that I can't remeber it was over, oh, Justin getting glowstick juice in his mouth and drawing a glowing cock on his leg.
5th day: To the pool, once again. At first it was going to be the local beach but we passed on that. Megan also had trouble starting her car, a group of lads couldn't even do it, but some old men could with their jump cables, it was rather funny, she didn't even know how to pop her own boot. But yes, pool, very similar shinanigans; throwing people in the pool, alcohol, laughs and drawing on eachother, which was to come later on that evening for white tee shirt night! Whack out the glowsticks, glow bracelets, flower chains, high vis leg warmers and marker pens! We also signed onto a bar crawl which was wicked. The bus journey there was just as fun, downed a few before we got on then chanted football like songs for everyone..some went along the lines of 'Stacey forgot the pills' 'Bee threw up on Ms Jennings' 'Kat pissed in the tent' 'Megan shagged 4 Chris'' and so on and so forth. We leaped off the bus with policeman standing at the stop, we would've been fine concealing our alcohol, but, Vlad stumbled off the drunk, for once it was not Conor. And they poured his precious vodka..or gin away, then cracked onto all of us. It was funny, we took picture of our drinks being drained. Commence the bar crawl. Started in the centre, downed two pints and saw a man in his pants get handcuffed to a street lamp, then onto the next bar. The girls worked their charm on the bouncers to get Stacey in. Then Conor went onstage and played the clothes swapping game with some bit of fluff, as did Kat. Me an Vlad played about 5 games on the punhing machine. I lost. The alcohol was also hitting Megan at this point, 2 bars in with another 2 come and a club, good girl. Walkabout was next, actually rammo, and downed a few drinks in there aswell, whilst holidaymakers got low with the piking up the cup with your teeth game. Huge walkabout btw, massive ceiling. Then we moved onto Berties bar, I think Conor was sick on the dancefloor, and we passed the alcohol til it was pure saliva again. And this was when my neediness kicked in. We moved into the club Berties which we was apperently two minutes late to get into free for. Bollocks. Drank my weight in alcohol, had a boogie, and found Christie a mate to be handcuffed to, I thought I madea good match but no sex. Damn. It took a while to find her, the amoungt of slaps I nearly got trying to handcuff random girls without them knowing. I'm obviously not that sly. But we got there in the end. Came out, had me some chips on vinegar. Then wondered off to a kebab shop waited for ages, got the front of the que, was about to get served then conor came running in an dragged me out because the bus was there. Pissed. Didn't have a kebab at all that holiday. Got on the bus, but it was the worng bus so had to pay again, when we should've had return. All this money scamming, then Conor, Vicky and Sarah couldn't get on because fight started and the bus driver drove, we waved them goodbye. Got back to camp, freezing. And had them 3 run up behind us after sprining for they got into a cab with randoms and had to pay half, but only gave them an 8th of the price.
Day 6..aka the crackhead day. Woke up to the sound of a good jolly up at 9am. The VKs were out, hither to my liver, and our lovely neighbours left us a crate of Stella, how kind. Madame crawled out and asked Vlad for coke. Lesson here..don't ask a Russian for oke, becuase you know its not going to be just coke, its going to have vodka in it.. a lot of vodka. By 11 we thought fuckit, we didn't do any class A's last night, half? hour later..half?? half an hour later..half?? Conor's trademark hide behind shirt came into play. Megan started to have a bad time, and we just rolled some doobies. By 1 I'm pretty sure we were all fucked. Conor gave birth to a cider, don't know where it came from, it emerged from his jumper. Kat was already fucked and Conor was in a foul mood so after days of saying be sick in my mouth..for shits and giggles of course..they thought it'll be funny to actually do it. Where's Carol?? the trusty beer bong. Down that cider Kat, issit coming? nope? drink a bit more? where's the camera?/ ok it's coming now. Katherine then opened her mouth into the funnel and a white lumpy creamy vomite spewed into our precious beer bong with Conor at the tube end ready to down. A little sniff here and there. He then took a little to the lips, and was not man enough, but I spose I couldn't, I was gagging just looking at it, then he threw it away. It was rank, so to clean poor Carol, Kat decided to wee down her. Lovely. It was full, and there were still lumps of sick in there, basically Katherines whole bodily discharge was in Carol, they couldv'e made their own kind of Sick Babies. she then dropped Carol and the piss went all over a towel, glad it wern't mine, but Kat was just hetting piss all over the place really. I then found some really bad gone off milk and poured that into Carol along with some sauce, don't know why. Was pretty fucked. We did some more naughties, drunk a bit and rolled a few all through the day, hardly moved from camp AT ALL. When it reached nightime we were all dead, but still trooped on. Went to the bar on camp. Had a few pints with massive heads, so Sarah blew them it in my face, I did the same to her. We then both did it to Katherine, but it wasn't really head by then, it was pure beer going all over her. Was funny. Conor who was also corpsing added to his famous qoutes. We were resciting them just off the decking, on a slight hill to everyone who walked past..shouting Fuck Me! Come Hither and Spring Break! Conor then burst us all into tears by saying 'Why is this hill sloping?' If you was to see the mess he was in, you would've cried. Pure crackhead day. We then met Sam and his pal along with these other crazy cats getting their willy out and filling their buckets with alcohol, Conor pinched their nipples and asked them to fuck him, as he does. Megan then left, and I followed a couple hours after or I was feeling too fucked from the days earlier shinanigans. I herd I missed out on a lot, dancing ect. But, I crashed out then got woken up by Conor screaming 'Lee! where's the 95% shit at?!?!?!' He was sitting on it, it took a good five or six cycles o him screaming tht phrase til he realised. Then some dude we met that night whcked out these fire balls and was spinning them in the air, like a circus act kinda thing, it was pissing down as well, which made it look even better.
The next morning was a sad day, it was the day the girls left us. We said our goodbyes after riding a skateboard type thing, Christie and Paige and their lot were also leaving, again, very sad times. The first carful left at around 4ish, SPRING BREAK!! FUCK ME!! and HITHER!! rang out through the campsite. It was us original 4 along with Megan and Vicky left standing, we dossed around camp, had a few naps, then it was time for us to say goodbye to them, 10pm came and they drove off into the sunset, what else could we do but do what we did best, but get para. We finished the way we started; vodka and a 5ltr jug of Scrumpy, I passed out again 4 ltrs in, but it was a funny night filled with songs, reminiscing, and drunken disordallyness, all in our tent.
I awoke the next morning, we packed up the tent after about 5 attempts. We cracked on with the cider, I engraved my name and 'fuck me' into a tree, see if it'll be there next year, because I assure you, we shall return, then we hithered to the gate, got the cab, had some food in town, jammed on the beach where my and Vlad found massive shells of remnants of crab, which we dangled in front of Stacey. We then decided to get on it one last time, in Newquay, on the beach. Had the remaining disco biscuits, bottle and a half of vodka and were off our tits. We made it to the coach station to all our suprise, boarded the coach and collapsed. I awoke and saw Conor on the floor inbetween the bottom of his hair and the backrest of the chair in front with his arms in the air, alseep. I actually burst out laughing, and apperently he had already done this and got caught by the bus driver who kicked him to wake him up, for once Conor is asleep, he's asleep. We arrived back in London, looking like death as everyone was making their way to work, said our goodbyes and hithered home for a bit of sleep and then getting on it agian at Metro that very evening, longlive Newquay!
